To The Little Girl Who Made Me a Mother

May 12, 2017 Amanda Naylor Personal 0 comments

My sweet Adelynn,

I love you more than words can say. I dreamed many nights about you throughout my whole life. When your daddy and I decided to make you, every negative test was a punch in the gut. I have endometriosis, so we didn’t know if having you would even be possible. After a few months, finally the positive pregnancy test happened and “holy shit” were the first words out of my mouth. I couldn’t believe it. You where there, already growing. I prayed for a little boy. I was so so so scared of having a little girl. You see, my mom and I had a rocky relationship all my life. We constantly were butting heads, and I was scared that if I had a little girl, I would do the same to you. Your Mammaw and I are closer now than we’ve ever been, and I owe that all to you, Adelynn. She loves you so much, and it makes my heart so happy to see the joy you bring her, and all your grandparents, for that matter.

One sleep before we found out your gender, I had a dream that you were a girl. They say your dreams will tell you the gender, so when the doctor told us “it’s a girl!”, I wasn’t surprised. I painted pictures of you in my mind. I hoped that you’d have my big eyes, but your daddy’s beautiful blue. I prayed that you’d have curly hair, and your daddy’s nose. The curls have started, and although we can’t tell whose nose you have, it’s awfully cute just the way it is. I hate my nose. It’s big and never really fit my face, but I’ll never tell you that because I don’t want you ever looking at yourself like that… or if you do get the Naylor nose, I don’t want you to ever think that I hate your nose, too. You’ll always be the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever seen.

Everything I prayed you be, you are. It’s like God let me hand craft you. It’s like He knew I needed a daughter to help me move on, and to help my relationship with my own mom. You don’t really know what it’s like until you’re a mom yourself. The sacrifice you make over and over again, dog tired, heart bursting at the seams.

Your daddy and I are currently hooked on a show called Bates Motel. A few episodes ago, the mother said that being a parent is very similar to the book The Giving Tree. It’s about a little boy who befriends a tree, and as the boy needs things, the tree keeps giving him everything he’s got. He gives the boy everything, until the tree is just a stump. And then after giving him everything, the boy sits on the stump. Parenthood is giving, and giving, and giving. Sometimes it’s so hard to give. I barely get a wink of time to myself… so on the days when my patience is a little short, please know I truly don’t mean anything bad by it. It’s a huge adjustment to go 26 years living your life for yourself, and then within the matter of hours your life and everything you do revolves around someone else. It’s especially hard for me because this business I have worked so hard for is on the back burner and gets very little attention. However, this season of life will fly by and before I know it, you’ll be off with your friends.

I like the reference to The Giving Tree when talking about what parenthood is like. It’s true that we give until we have nothing left, but I hope you know that you give me so much more than I could ever truly give you. You give me hope and pride. To see you learning and understanding is the most amazing thing. I’ve been there for every milestone and I am so proud of you. I remember when you started reaching for toys, when you noticed you had hands, when you rolled over, when you started walking. You bring such happiness into my life. Your hugs, kisses and giggles are the absolute best thing in the entire world. You’ve challenged me in ways I never thought possible. You’ve forced me to look deep within myself and start changing the things I didn’t like. You’re encouraging me to grow up and to be the best person I can be. You make me want to be better, and to view things in a different light. You are an inspiration to me.

A year and a half ago, right now, I was in labor with you. I will never forget what it was like seeing you for the first time. I was speechless. I couldn’t say a word. And I’ll never forget that 2nd night when we were in the hospital room alone, how I laid you on the bed and curled my entire body around you as I bawled like a baby at 3am. I made you many promises that night that I intend to keep. I’m not a perfect mama, but I’m doing my best, and I hope I’m making you proud. I love you, Addie. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Happy year + a half birthday <3



















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