I remember getting a Snapchat from my friend Shane as I was walking out of the grocery store, something about him being late.. I snapped back a picture of a box of pregnancy tests because I had just realized I’d been late too.
As two pink lines slowly appeared, my first words were “holy s#!^.”
I’m great with those types of things. When Mike got down on one knee the first thing I said was, “are you kidding me?!”.. And the first time I saw Addie I somehow was able to mumble, “oh my God!” 😉
Today is March 17th. Almost a year since I found out I was pregnant.
I knew having a baby was going to be hard. I knew carrying her would bring many days of discomfort. I knew that birthing her would be the most painful thing I’ve ever endured. I knew the sleepless nights would be exhausting.
But I didn’t know hard it really is. And how wonderful it really is all at the same time. I didn’t know the pain of those last few weeks of being pregnant as everything starts to get ready for delivery. A special thank you to everyone who didn’t tell me about that “just got kicked in the crotch” feeling those last few weeks 😉 I didn’t know what it was like to be sleep deprived and forget what day it is, or that mom brain is a real thing. I didn’t know I’d sit there and self-analyze, picking myself apart trying to improve myself and my surroundings for my baby. I didn’t know that I’d feel guilty for walking out the door to head to work, not thinking twice about it anymore. I didn’t know the extreme amount of fear I have now that I really have something to live for.. That every time I get in the car I have to talk myself out of the fear of a car accident. I didn’t know it would put stress on my marriage. I thought a baby would bring us closer, and in many ways it did, but when you’re stuck like pb+j, and the someone adds some marshmellow fluff in the middle it takes some getting used too. I didn’t realize how much a mother gives for her child. And I still don’t understand how men put up with pregnant, hormonal women, but thanks gentlemen.
I also never knew I could love like this. I have never felt pride and joy like this. I’ve never felt something more rewarding. I never knew that me holding her hand while she nurses would turn into a “thing”, where now it seems as though she reaches for my hand before I get to hers, and how heart melting that is. I’ve never heard a song as sweet as my daughter’s laugh.
She’s 4 months old now and sweet as can be. She’s such a good girl. Still a mama’s girl, but I’m not complaining.
This month has been the best yet. And by best I mean the easiest, because every month, day and second with her is the best ever. If I could describe how I felt during months 1-3, and now bear with me here because it’s kind of silly, but I felt like a wild pony trying to be broken. Our life is on Addie time for the next 18+ years, and while I’m totally ok with that, it was still a lot to figure out and I think I’m finally getting it down as daily life falls more into routine.
By 8-8:30, Addie is ready for bed. I take her back after nursing and she’ll self sooth herself to sleep by sucking on her thumb. She’s usually asleep until 2:30, nurses and is awake for the day around 7:30. Nap time is around 1:00 it seems.. Sometimes she’ll catch a quick snooze mid-morning. At her 4 month check up she was 24.5 inches long and just shy of 14 pounds. My big girl didn’t cry when she got two shots. I was so impressed because I was in tears as they were opening the needles! She loves sitting up (assisted) and can fully hold her head up during tummy time. She rolled over a few times the other night, but hasn’t done it since! Seems like she’s ready to go! She’s very alert and interested in her surroundings! Sweet potatoes were her first food that we tried and I’m still not sure if she’s a fan or not! One of her favorite things is to see her reflection in the mirror!! She talks and grunts all the time.. Sometimes I think she’s yelling at me!
Her sweet little smile melts my heart <3
Not her most flattering picture, but this is her… always starving haha
Big girl got 2 shots and didn’t cry!